Primrose Hill
by Temporary Fiction
Summary: Harry and Julie. One Direction. Read it, you'll like it. "This is not a love story, this is a story about love."
1. Chapter 1

On a normal day, in a normal building, in a normal world the intense banging at my door would be taken for a murderer trying to break in and kill me. In a normal world.

I groaned, reaching to check the time on my cell on the side table. Sure, it was almost noon but I was not a morning person and had personally planned on sleeping in and being lazy around the house all day. I already knew who was at the door so I pulled my robe on and shuffled down the stairs to the front door, squinting from the brightness attacking me through the open curtains.

"Go away!" I yelled peeking through the tiny peep hole, all I could see was an orange blob talking on the phone steadily kicking my door.

"Open the door, I need ya" Ed's voice echoed in the tiny hallway. I chuckled to myself as I undid the locks and opened the door just enough to peek my head out. Ed was standing there, in yesterday's t-shirt, laughing on the phone with someone. He wiggled his eyebrows at me before telling whoever was on the phone with him to hold on.

"Jules, why are you asleep, you're such a lazy sally," he mocked trying to push the door open, I didn't fight him. "Get up, I need you to go somewhere with me." I shoot him a 'hell no, do you see me right now?' look as I closed the door behind him and proceeded the couple of feet to my tiny kitchen to make some toast. "Sod off" he laughed to the person still on the phone.

"No, uh uh." I yawned, my back turned to him. Ed Sheeran was my neighbor, well my sister's neighbor as I was currently bumming it at her place while she was gone on assignment in France, so I claimed the place as my own. Ed was an orange haired singer and songwriter who was quite popular over here in the UK. I could gauge his popularity by the number of photographers outside our building on any random day or by the number of times I heard his songs on the radio. We quickly bonded over our love of sneaking into tiny hole in the wall Open Mic Nights and his love for my cooking. He himself was quite talented, I had to admit, and most importantly he was a really great guy who hadn't let his fame go to his head. Why else would I let him into my flat knowing I looked like hell and hadn't even brushed my teeth yet? Besides, he knew I didn't care he was famous, and I think that was why we got on so well. He knew he could just come hang out like a normal person whenever he wanted and I wouldn't put his business in the papers. We were the only two living on this floor so we pretty much had an open door policy.

"No, seriously, some mates are having like a little get together house warming thing and I don't feel like looking for a date so just come with me. Super low key, lots of drinks, it'll give you a chance to put on some pants and leave your flat for once," he joked and I shot him my middle finger, my dry toast hanging from my mouth.

"Do you have any jam?" I asked him, crumbs falling from my lips.

"Yeah? Whatever, come on, please. You owe me!" I gasped, ignoring his plea and making my way over to his apartment across the hall.

"I do not! And I have a lot of work to do," I lied. "You know antisocial! And like, don't even know what you guys are talking about half the time with all of your made up words! Besides, you have a new girl every day, what happened to that blond girl with the wonky boobs?" I rummaged through his cabinets, finding nothing. "She looked kind of smart. I don't even have anything to wear and like, who doesn't have grape jelly? Seriously, oh my god I would kill for an egg McMuffin right now." I moaned, taking another bite of my dry toast and letting my eyes roll to the back of my head. He just stood there and laughed at me before putting the phone back to his ear and walking into the other room.

Ed and my sister Jane were constantly trying to get me out of the house but I was quite keen on playing out the romanticized life of a tortured writer. The truth was after graduating college six months ago, I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life so I fled the US for a life of adventure and fish and chips here in London with Jane. Now, three months after landing abroad, I hadn't written one word of my future Pulitzer Prize winning novel and made my money writing a little lifestyle column for my sisters magazine. This wasn't my first time in the UK though, in fact growing up me and Jane visited family at least once a year up until I graduated high school. I loved Europe, I loved the buzz in the air and the constant flow of real culture and accents, something we lacked in Los Angeles, were we mainly grew up. But we travelled a lot, our parents divorced when we were young and their way of making up for it was taking us around the world. We made up in happy family memories with trips to the Egyptian pyramids and snorkeling in Australia. That, I reasoned, was why we Carmen girls were considered nomads. We didn't like commitment, we didn't understand stability. Jane got a job with one of the biggest travel magazines in the world almost right out of college and she's lived all over the globe in the last couple of years. I realized I had been staring idly into space when Ed walked back into the room, throwing his phone onto the couch.

"Come on Jules," he said walking into the kitchen and jumping up to sit on the counter opposite me. "You'll like these guys, they're good. They've been touring for like the past six months so they're just trying to have fun and see some mates." I thought for a second before just shrugging my shoulders and grabbing a juice sitting on his counter. His label kept his kitchen stocked while he was off tour so I liked to steal as much as I could when I was over.

"Fine, whatever, as long as I can get drunk." I gave him a cheeky smile heading for the door.

"Nine thirty! Dead on! And look fucking decent" he joked before I slammed the door behind me.


	2. Chapter 2

As I walked out of the bathroom, fresh from my shower, I saw Ed already lying on my couch watching TV.

"Dude… its only 9" I said tightening my towel before walking over to him. I could tell he had already started drinking and was in a really good mood. "Make me a drink while I go get ready" I kicked his sprawled out foot and headed up the stairs to my bedroom in the loft. I pulled on a pair of black tights and my honey brown riding boots. I didn't want to be dressy considering Ed was wearing jeans and a t-shirt so instead I put on my oversized cream tunic and topped that off with my vintage levi's denim jacket I had so lovingly chopped the sleeves off of many years ago. I was still a bit of a hippie at heart. I let my long, curly dark brown hair rest down my back, pulled off a successful cat eye and I was ready to go. I skipped down the stairs to find six shots lined up on the counter, Ed ready to pound them down.

"A round of Virgin Pussies for you! Cheers!" He grinned handing me one shot glass after another. Four shots later I had to stop and he finished the rest.

"Who names a shot Virgin Pussy? You Brits are so vulgar!" I laughed in my worst British accent, already feeling my buzz as he ushered me out of the door, grabbing my jacket on the way.

"You're gonna have fun, love." Ed declared loudly as our taxi sped through the streets. I wondered for a second if I would be stuck babysitting him but shook it off as he started to sing along to a song on the radio. He was right; tonight I would just have fun. I didn't know anyone here and if it sucked, I could just hop in a taxi and go home. Ed knew these guys and wouldn't care if I jumped out early. I adjusted my jacket as the taxi turned the corner onto a dark but well-kept street. Almost no houses had their lights on except for one building at the end of the road which seemed to be dark except for the top story and roof, which lit up the cloudy night sky. The taxi slowed to a stop in front of the building and Ed jumped out of the car, dropping some money into the front seat. He ran to the front door of the building pushing on the speaker button like a mad man.

"POTTER!" He yelled when a voice finally answered and the door unlocked into darkness, he looked back to make sure I was following him before running inside. I couldn't help but laugh at his utter excitement and ran in to catch up.

We dropped our coats off just past the front door and six floors up, the lift opened to what could only be described as a room full of models and rock stars hanging out in the most exquisite looking hotel lobby. Of course, it wasn't a hotel lobby, instead it was apparently a very fancy decorated "den" of sorts with modern looking chandeliers hanging from the high ceilings and a full bar at the far end. People walked about, kissing the cheeks of everyone they saw and just generally looking rich and beautiful. Music filled the room and images were projected onto the walls making the space feel more like a club than a simple house warming party. I could tell it wouldn't be hard to get lost in the mix and grabbed onto Ed's arm as he walked into the crowd, apparently looking for someone, but we instead found the bar.

"Holy shit, this place is crazy." I shouted so he could hear me over the music.

"I know right, their label put all this fancy shit in here. I think everyone's on the roof." He motioned and after we got our drinks we made our way to a small spiral staircase filled with people going up and down. Once upstairs it was like a completely different scene, there were about half the people on the roof in twice the space. The edges of the landing were draped in Christmas lights and there were random sofa's scattered about. People were clumped into groups here and there and the vibe was just a lot more mellow and relaxed. Music and laughter filled the air as we made our way to a large group huddled around a small fire pit.

"Weasley, you've come to rub me up with that big penis, yeah?" A guy with bright blue eyes broke away from the group and ran towards us, picking Ed up off the ground and spinning him around. He was shorter, but solid and I couldn't help but notice his bright red pants cuffed around his ankles and the striped suspenders he was pulling off quite well. The two guys yelled and exchanged banter while the rest of the large group started yelling and heading over, practically attacking Ed with pure, unadulterated man-love. I stood back and observed the dance of the bromance as a group of around 5 guys and a couple of girls crowded around Ed like they hadn't seen him in years. Ed hadn't really spoken about these guys so I really knew nothing about them other than they were a band and had been out of the country for months recording an album or touring or something. I didn't know their names but some of their faces did look familiar, especially one of the boys. He was taller and tan with short curly hair. He was wearing navy blue slacks and a denim button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up. His soft brown eyes caught mine for a second before getting lost in the love fest that was Ed Sheeran.

"So rude, come here Jules" I heard Ed's voice from the small crowd as they all looked over at me. I took the last swig of my liquid courage and stepping up to shake their hands. I was met with an assortment of some of the most beautiful men I had ever seen and I could feel my cheeks blushing red uncontrollably. "Louis, Naill, Zayn, Liam, and that titty fucker is Harry but you call him Potter. This is Julie, be nice to her she's American." He joked.

"Hello Julie" they all rang in perfect unison, as if they had practiced, and I must have made a weird face because they all started to laugh at me, reaching out to pat my arm or shake my hand.

"Nice to meet you, babe!" Louis, the blazing blue eyed boy said stepping up and putting an arm around my shoulder. "A mate of Sheeran is a mate of mine!" he sang, his intoxication quite obvious.

"So, nice to meet you guys." I sounded shyer than I expected as Naill, a young looking blonde boy took my empty cup and replaced it with another drink.

"Welcome to the UK!" he spoke fast, his Irish accent much thicker due to a handful of drinks in his system.

"Do you smoke, Jules?" Harry asked, rolling out every letter in my name with his deep, raspy voice. He stepped up, close to my face and raised his hand to reveal a joint between his long, thin fingers. I involuntarily held my breath as I shifted between his hypnotic bright green eyes and the rolled joint just inches away from my face.

"Don't corrupt the poor girl, Harreh, let her be!" Louis chimed in, pushing Harry away square in the chest, causing him to fall back. Harry and I never broke eye contact as a huge, cheeky grin took over his face and he placed the unlit joint at the corner of his deliciously red lips. He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively before spinning around on his heels and casually walking away towards a group of girls. I watched, from the corner of my eye, as he walked up to one of the girls and planted a big kiss on the corner of her lips, nearly toppling them both over with the force. The girls just giggled and grabbed at his body, loving the sudden attention. He was the playboy. I made a mental note in my head.

"This is my super fit lady love, Eleanor" Louis introduced me to a beautiful girl and before we even had time to speak he was pulling me towards another group of girls, she just laughed and smiled at me apologetically for the state he was in. "This is Dani, Liam's leading lady and Jackie Naill's wife!" He pulled us all in for a big group hug before bouncing off and out of sight.

"He's so blasted, they're not married." Dani laughed to Jackie before the girls turned back to me. "So nice to meet you Julie, welcome! We've missed them so fucking much. Did you come here with Sheeran?" They looked down at me expectantly. They were tall and gorgeous in short mini dresses and high heels. Next to them I felt underdressed and unimpressive. I shook the thought away, taking another sip of my drink.

"Oh my god no, ha!" I laughed noticing my buzz from earlier was much closer to intoxication than I remembered. "He's my neighbor, I just moved here so he likes to drag me out, ya know?" They just looked at me in silence for a second, taking in what I was saying, before laughing and nodding their heads.

"Your voice is funny." Jackie said in such a strong Surrey accent I could barely make it out, all I could do was laugh along; the poor thing was so drunk.

Later in the night after I noticed Eleanor and Zayn taking Jackie downstairs, presumably to bed, I wondered over to the bar set on ordering my very last drink before calling it a night. By then, Ed had disappeared off somewhere and the initial group had blended into the rest of the crowd. I made my rounds, making friends with strangers and even making a couple of industry contacts before finding a nice seat, off to the side, to do some people watching.

"Are you having fun?" A voice, though smooth but fast, gave me a shock. I turned my head to see the same brown eyed boy I had briefly met earlier, Liam.

"You scared me, oh my God." I said, resting my hand on my quickly beating heart. "But yes, yes I am. This place is so crazy, you guys live here?" I shuffled most of my weight against the bar and looked up at him, trying to focus my eyes.

"Uh, yeah." He said, looking around, as if he almost didn't believe it himself. "We moved in months ago and then immediately went to America to do some promo so it's pretty much like we're just now moving in. This place is incredible, it really is. We just got back last night…." He smiled sweetly, just looking at me for a second longer than felt natural. His lack of a buzz made me sober up just a bit. He wasn't holding a drink in his hand, just an almost empty water bottle. I didn't want to look like a lush so I straightened up my posture and thoughtfully nodded my head, trying to avoid actually speaking. "You're from the US right…..? That's what Ed said… what part?"

"California. Los Angeles, really. But I've been coming to the UK since, like, I was born, you know?" I heard a slur on the last couple of words and just smiled sweetly. "I love it here, I just moved here for good like a couple of months ago to stay with my sister Jane… yeah." He listened intently and then just let out a little laugh. I was probably making a complete fool of myself but whatever, I would probably never see these guys again. "I met your girlfriend earlier, so cute oh my god!" I playfully pushed his shoulder and he smiled, quickly looking away and scanning the rooftop.

When his eyes met mine again, a much more serious expression read on his thick brows. "Do you not remember me, Jules?" He asked taking my drink from my hand, his voice was low and he looked deep into my eyes. It seemed like eternity passed before I could speak, all I could do was blink and bit my lip, shaking my head in confusion. Did he look familiar, yes, but I figured I had just seen him on TV or read about him in the paper… "You honestly don't remember me?"

"I'm sorry, I'm so confused…" I started to twist my hair around in my hands, trying to concentrate, as I stepped back from him. Turning to walk away, I was a little too drunk to deal with what was going on and his serious demeanor was making me uncomfortable. I didn't know where I was going but just steps away from the stairs a strong arm scooped me up by the waist and swung me around. I found myself face to chest with Mr. Potter himself.

"Woah, Titty Fuck. I'm a lady. That kind of hurt…" I heard myself slur as I closed my eyes for a second, rebalancing myself in his grasp by placing a hand on his surprisingly hard chest. I could hear Harry let out a loud, hyper laugh along with the people standing around him. When I opened my eyes he was bent over, his face level and just an inch or two away from mine; the joint, much smaller now was still hanging dangerously from his lips as he studied my face with an intense, stern expression.

"You're drunk. My name's not Titty Fuck." He finally flashing a grin and tightening his arm around me. When he stood up straight he had to be at least 5 inches taller than me and I felt like a small child on his arm. He scent was weed swirled with expensive cologne and I couldn't help but notice the outline of his chest through the thin, white t-shirt he was wearing under his fitted heather blazer.

"You're high." I mocked his accent, slipping the joint between my fingers and gliding it out of his perfect lips. I inhaled deeply, slowly and placed the little burning stick back where I had just swiped it. Harry took the joint from his lips and passed it to someone else before sliding a cold finger across my cheek, turning my chin up to meet his eyes.

"Would you like a tour?" his voice purred.


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm starving."

Ed just looked at me from the other side of the couch, a blank expression on his face. He was so hung over and had he not been one of my best mates I would have never stayed over and made sure he didn't die last night. I was giving Jules a tour of my flat, fully expecting to at least get off with her, when we found Ed half passed out in my kitchen just talking to himself. I thought it was a laugh but figured I would look like a major prat if I didn't at least help her get him home, there was no way she could carry him herself. She disappeared after I finally got him in bed though and so I figured I'm just stay the night. I motioned for him to drink more of his water and turned my eyes back to the TV where we were mindlessly watching cartoons.

We sat in silence a little longer before I got up and stretched out my limbs, shaking my hair out. I had replaced my blazer with one of Ed's jumpers and while I shuffled to the kitchen I kicked what looked like a Lego figurine on accident. I picked it up and sat it on his kitchen table before stopping in my tracks, trying to zone in on where a familiar voice was coming from.

"Stevie Wonder?" I asked myself quietly, recognizing the melody from years of listening to my mum play his records. I followed the music past the kitchen to a window cracked open, pulling back the sheet Ed used as a makeshift curtain, where I could see right into Jules flat just a few feet away. Her window was wide open, letting in the cool afternoon breeze, and I could see her just dancing around her main room, disappearing and reappearing behind a wall I assumed led to her kitchen. She was wearing nothing but the nearly sheer creamy tunic she wore last night which barely covered her bum as she glided along. Her long dark curls were in a messy bun atop her head and a spoon stuck out of her mouth as she sang along to the Stevie Wonder tracks blasting through her apartment. She looked beautiful, almost ethereal.

"You bein pervy?" Ed laughed from his permanent position on the couch. "Is she naked? She's usually naked," he added and I quickly did a double take to make sure I hadn't missed anything. Nope. All the bits were covered. I sighed shaking my hair and giving my eyes a rub.

"You sound like the pervert, you know."

"She's like my little sister, mate. I've seen all the bits and pieces! She is fit, yeah? You fancy her? You're not allowed to fancy her, stop looking! Harry stop lookin!" he found himself hilarious. I took one more look back at her, taking in the smoothness of her thighs, before letting the sheet drop back.

"Get up, God! Let's get food." I walked over to Ed and slapped him in the back of the head which he tried to return but failed, miserably.

"Order carry out. I think I'm dying." he cried, slowly getting up and making his way to the kitchen only to find nothing he wanted. I gave up and dove back down onto the sofa knowing we weren't going anywhere soon. I had pulled out my phone, looking up a decent food place to call when I heard the door open and a pair of feet shuffle in. A minute later she finally spoke.

"Don't ask me what's in it, don't even look at it. This got me though college." Jules voice was softer, more feminine than I remembered from last night. I couldn't see her from my place on the sofa but I knew it was her.

"It looks like shit." I heard Ed remark.

"Well you look like shit. I said don't look at it." She laughed softly as I heard her take a few steps around. They sat in silence for a bit and I began to wonder if not letting her know I was in the room was rude. As I prepared to sit up I heard Ed start to speak.

"You had fun last night."

"Excuse me?" her voice coming from a different direction. I lowered my head back down deciding I wanted to hear whatever he was about to say.

"Harry."

"Who?" Her words stung as I wrinkled my brows in frustration. But why did I care, I didn't even know this bird and she had been drinking… I decided not to be completely offended. It seemed her facial expression hadn't matched her tone though because a second later they both let out a little laugh.

"Right."

"Your friends are great," she tried to change the subject, "I actually had a lot of fun. You happy you smug bastard?"

"I told you, you're so stubborn. Anyway, I think he fancy's you." I could just hear the big smile on Ed's face. Jules didn't respond and my curiosity almost got the best of me before I finally heard her voice again.

"Guys like Harry Styles fancy any girl who walks by. I know better than that… there must be a reason you're best friends. Playboys, both of you!" she laughed. I peeked my head just over the top of the sofa so I could finally see. She was standing just a few feet ahead, her back turned to me though. Her short tunic gave way to her long legs, which she was shifting her weight between, and a pair of brown boots that I think were called Uggs. They looked like boats on her.

"What you going on about?"

She must have jumped a foot off the ground at the sound of my voice and her scream pierced my brain but all I could concentrate on was the tiniest sliver of lace panty that was exposed from her jump. She spun around clutching her chest as Ed busted out laughing from his place in the kitchen.

"Oh my God, what is wrong with you?" She panted, "You can't do that!" I couldn't stop laughing at her wild hazel eyes and blushing cheeks so I got up off the sofa and walked towards her, my arms open wide for a hug.

"I'm sorry." I said simply, taking her little frame in a big bear hug and lifting her off the ground. I buried my face in her big bun of hair, she smelled like vanilla, cinnamon and last night's stale cigarettes. She tried to wiggle her way out but was no match and I let her back down on the floor. I could tell she was embarrassed and a little bit pissed off but I just couldn't stop laughing as her little scrunched up face was so sexy.

"I hate you both."

"Oh come on, it's not like we planned this. You should just be more aware of your surroundings, love. Us playboys can sometimes be tricky." I teased her, reaching to pinch her bright red cheek. She swatted my hand away and turned to walk out.

"Harry's hungry, let's go get carry out." Ed spoke up just in time and she seemed to slow down and consider it.

"I'm gross," she pouted, turning towards him. I traced her angelic profile with my eyes down to where the fabric of her top fell straight down just past her nipples. As if she could sense me, she quickly crossed her arms.

"So are we, look at his greasy hair. Does it look like we bathed?" She snuck a glance back at me and I, as a habit, shook out my hair and swept it to the side.

"Whatever, you're not gross. Please, I've been begging him all morning. I'm dying for a full breakfast." She bit her lip, flashing me her big eyes, and did a little nod before running out of the apartment, shivering.

Twenty minutes later we piled into my car and set out to find food. Julie refused the front seat, probably still annoyed with us and sat in the back with her hair now covered in a big knit beanie and big black sunnies. She had changed out of my new favorite dress and into black skinny jeans and dark green parka zipped just low enough to enjoy. She sat in silence while Ed and I talked about how his new album was going.

Julie hardly said a word while we ate, but it wasn't out of hostility. I had taken them to one of my favorite little spots, a small private restaurant with unbelievable views of central London's skyline and she childishly gushed as we were seated out on the balcony with an unobstructed view of the city. We were all underdressed for the place but no one said a thing, the staff undoubtedly recognizing me and Ed instantly. Jules seemed breath taken by the views and while Ed and I mainly talked about business and my recent stint overseas she quietly enjoyed her food, occasionally showing interest in us but mainly just enjoying the moment. As I stole little glances at her, I concluded that she had to be one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. Her small features and womanly curves seemed so graceful, so delicate and the spiral of a long, dark curl that escaped her beanie and framed her face did nothing but make me want to reach across the table and run my fingers along her jawline. Her lips were set in a natural pink pout and her eyelashes, though only enjoyed when she occasionally lowered her sunnies to peer down below, seemed to curl up for days. She had a small beauty mark on her left cheek that only seemed to complement her light hazel eyes and my thoughts entertained how far I would need to kiss down her collarbone before her delicate fingers were intertwined in my hair. As we sat, finishing up our tea and her coffee, she thanked me for bringing them here and declared it her new favorite getaway in the city.

"You guys are making me sick" Ed joked as we all got up to leave.


	4. Chapter 4

I packed up my laptop, wrapped the new silk scarf Jane had recently sent me from Spain around my neck and pulled on my favorite brown riding boots. I double checked my desk to make sure I had everything and as I swung open the door to leave, Harry was standing right in the middle of the hallway. He looked up, surprised, and let out a loud 'Haaaa!'

"Jules, I was just about to text you!" he said pushing past me into my apartment, food bags in his hand. "Where is Sheeran? We were supposed to meet at his place and now he's not answering my phone calls. What an ass.." He trailed off noticing my coat and bag draped over my shoulders. It had been over four months since I first met Harry and the boys and by now I was seeing him at least three times a week over at Ed's or when they decided to come crash my place at 2 in the morning drunk and demanding to watch my Friends DVD box set.

My slight annoyance at the uninvited crash quickly disappeared after I took him in, pacing around my living room mumbling partly at his phone and partly at me. He looked as if he had just walked off a runway, his clearly expensive but perfectly distressed military boots blending right with a pair of dark denim jeans cuffed just once. A fitted, crisp white button down shirt played well tucked in underneath his favorite navy blue military pea coat, its collar permanent popped. His hair had been freshly washed and was more curly than usual and his skin was tan and clear, almost glowing. I bit my lip as I realized he was still talking to me.

"You all right?" he asked, looking disappointed.

"Uhm.." I stuttered, "Yeah, I was going to go get some writing done. I think I'm over my writers block thank God…" I laughed awkwardly wondering if he had caught me undressing him with my eyes. He seemed not to as he pulled off his jacket and took the food bags into the kitchen.

"Where you headed?" he asked from the kitchen, I could hear my fridge opening and closing as he put the food away for later.

"Um, like the park? I don't know, I was gonna catch the tube and just explore for a bit.. yeah. I mean, get some fresh air?" I slapped my forehead for mumbling on like an idiot. I stepped back into my apartment and let my laptop bag slide down my arm. I felt so nervous for some reason, like I was seeing Harry for the first time and as I looked down at my basic jeans and vintage Blondie t-shirt I usually slept in, I ridiculously vowed to always look cute every second for the rest of my life.

"Can I come? I'm so bored…" he popped his head out of my kitchen, pouting, his eyes wide and childlike.

"Come on." I smiled at him as he quickly collected his coat and followed me out of the flat. Why was I getting nervous, this was just Harry. Sure he was a mega famous, super rich, unbelievably gorgeous singer but we were past that by now. Now, he was just Harry, the guy who constantly ate off my plate whenever we went out and would leave me notes to come home to telling me I'm out of crisps even though I had just bought a brand new bag the week before. Harry, the guy who tried to teach me how to drive on the left side of the street in his expensive car and didn't even yell at me when I turned down a busy one way street almost killing us both. This was Harry, the guy who would text me at 4am begging me to make my famous chocolate chip cookies and would sit with me for hours on end ramble on about the amazing book I had yet to write or the perfect song lyrics that were just stuck in his head, unable to be put in the right order.

Of course, it wasn't always easy. Sometimes, when he was tired and being annoying, it was easy to forget that he was Harry Styles, one of the most desired men in the world now. But even then, part of me wondered why he liked spending time with me. I was boring, average, nothing special. I never went out to the clubs with them and I didn't have hot models to hook them up with. Sure I was close with Ed, one of his best friends, but there were plenty of times he would come over knowing Ed wasn't around or he would call me just to talk. And in those times I would wonder if he liked me, if he wanted to be more than friends but I would quickly be put back in my place as his phone would ring from one girl or he's come over to Ed's after being with another. I was constantly reminded that he could have any girl he wanted and that played a number on my confidence whether I liked it or not.

"Where are you going? Get in the car." He called out to me as I thoughtlessly started walking towards the nearest tube station. "I love my fans, Lord knows I do, but I don't think being stuck underground is the wisest decision to make." He was right. Tube stations, crowded restaurants, hell crowded streets were kind of off limits to the boys and as a good ol' regular citizen I sometimes forgot. I don't know how I could forget after the fiasco that happened just a few weeks ago…

It was late on a weeknight and Ed, Harry, Eleanor and Louis were all over when us girls lost a horrible bet, meaning we had to go rent the boys favorite scary movies and watch them. We figured no one would see the boys under their jackets and hats but as we exited the video store and light bulbs started to flash my face was plastered on every gossip column for the next two weeks as Harry's mystery woman. He teased me about it for longer than that, and I pretended not to care but secretly read all the negative comments written about me online from people half way across the world.

"Hellllloooo" Harry snapped his fingers in front of my face; we had been driving in silence for a few minutes. I was so distracted. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing, sorry. I'm tired. Where are we going?" I rested my chin in my hand and looked over at his chiseled features. Was he wearing make up?

"Ever been to Primrose Hill, like the actual park? You've seen it, it's right by the flat. It's this open space right, and you can see like all of London and just perfect to people watch and stuff. You'll love it." He smiled down at me while dancing to some random song on the radio. I couldn't help but laugh.

"I must say, you look very…" I waved my hands around looking for the world. Sexy? Fit? Perfect? No.

"Oh my God, we had a photo shoot this morning, right…" He made a face, "they put us in make-up. You should've seen Zayn, he looked like a cash carrier! I got a boner, I promise you." He joked, starting to laugh about a memory from earlier in the day.

"You guys are so gay." I shook my head, "I'm telling Louis."

"I'm telling you, you should have seen Zayn! Louis has officially forgotten about me. He looked like Prince, oh my God I have to find a picture. You're going to die." he couldn't stop laughing as he pulled his phone out of his pocket looking for evidence.

A few minutes later we were driving up past a beautiful, grassy open area. I could see a few people scattered around but for the most part the park was pretty empty for a sunny afternoon like today. We parked and before jumping out Harry covered his hair with his favorite beanie and slipped on his sunglasses.

"Nice try." I laughed jumping out of his black Range Rover, pulling my laptop bag down with me. He grabbed another jacket and his football from the boot and followed me as we searched for the perfect spot to settle in. We decided on a shady corner of the park closer to the car just in case we had to leave quickly. I put my laptop bag down and just before I was about to sit Harry laid out his extra jacket for me on the ground.

"I don't want your bum getting my car dirty," he joked before throwing his phone at my side and running off to dribble the ball in the sun. My heart fluttered but I played if off, sticking my tongue out at him and plopping down on his jacket. I took a minute to find some kind of inspiration in the trees before pulling out my laptop and letting my thoughts ramble out. I looked up to check on Harry every once in a while. At first he was playing with his football, and then he had acquired an audience of about three little girls, no older than 5 who proceeded to jump all over him like their personal jungle gym. The last time I looked up, he was playing fetch with a small little dog that happened to belong to a girl that had obviously caught his eye. Even though they were just out of earshot I could see her laughing at all his jokes, touching on him and whispering in his ear. I could feel my face flush with jealousy and I tried to look away but I just couldn't. I heard the little beep signaling my laptop was dead so I closed it up, bringing my knees to my chest. At this point, the park was getting a little more crowded as school must have recently let out. I was tempted to be a cock block and try to leave, for his sake of course, but decided against that when his phone started to vibrate next to my legs.

I'm not a nosey person, I'm really not. But it was a welcome distraction to what was playing out in front of me. I looked down at Harry's phone as 'Robyn – Fit' was calling. I smiled remembering how, in the beginning, I was 'Titty Fuck' in his phone before I snuck in and changed it to Princess Consuela Banana Hammock, an inside joke between us now. His phone stopped vibrating as she went to voicemail and I began to pack up my stuff. His phone vibrated again, only once this time, and I glanced over to catch a quick text before his screen locked up and went black.

'Last night was amazing, where are you? Still coming over?'

My body froze and I felt the wind pick up, only for a second, as it pushed right through my jacket making my teeth rattle. I pulled my knees back to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. Jealousy struck again. I felt my eyes start to burn as tears started to well up. This was my own fault. We were just friends and that was all we were ever going to be. If he liked me he would have said something by now, plain and simple, but he hadn't and instead I sat here with even more proof that he never would.

I felt embarrassed to have been there while he was probably busy telling that girl he couldn't leave with her because he had come with a friend. I was just something to fill his time with, someone to hang out with when he wasn't hooking up with gorgeous girls every night. It's not like it was a secret. It's not like I didn't hear him and Ed comparing stories when they thought I wasn't listening. I felt like a proper fool and all I wanted in that very moment was to go back to being the chill, carefree girl I was before I had met Harry. He was the reason I had been so emotional lately, he was he reason I kept turning down dates with guys I met all the time. All my life I had been in control, if I liked you I liked you and if I didn't I didn't. I usually got what I wanted. But now, this time, I felt powerless and for the first time in my life I found myself wanting to be near him and wanting him to want me, wanting to be clingy for him! Harry was so honest. He was emotional and vocal and wore his feelings on his sleeve. Boys back home didn't do that, boys back home played games that I had mastered long ago. Here, with Harry, I felt like the ice queen because I couldn't just tell him how I felt and I always had a bit of my guard up.

As I waited for the cold hard ground to open up and swallow me whole, my phone vibrated with a text from Jackie inviting me over tonight for a few drinks. I needed a night away with just the girls and without even thinking, I quickly text back I'd be there before shoving my phone in my bag and patting away the lone tear I let roll down my cheek.

"What's wrong?" Harry panted with a hint of worry in his voice, tired from running around. "Are you crying? What's wrong?" he knelt down beside me and pulled one of my arms away from my face. His nostrils were slightly flared and his eyes searched mine for an answer.

"The wind!" I swallowed hard and played it off, smiling up at him and trying to bring his excitement level back down. "It's making my eyes tear up. Are you ready to go? My laptop died and I'm freakin freezing!" I said in my easy going manner, jumping up off the ground and rubbing my arms for warmth. He stood up and just studied me for a second. I prayed he couldn't see past my act and quickly bent down to grab my bag before tightening the scarf around my neck. He picked up the jacket I had been sitting on, patting off the tiny pieces of grass before draping it over my shoulders. He picked up his phone and we walked back to the car in silence.


	5. Chapter 5

I was already running late to Jackie's as I exited the tube station closest to her flat. Sometime between the sunny afternoon and now a very light, very picturesque snow had started to fall but thankfully had not started to stick. I wrapped my jacket tighter around my body as I came upon her building to see Zayn outside the door, smoking a cigarette.

"Jules! Looking stunning as always, love." he pulled me in for a warm, tight hug. I hadn't seen Zayn in a while as he had gone back to Bradford for a bit to get out of the city on holiday. He offered me a cigarette and though I didn't smoke, I liked the idea of staying outside for a bit longer now that I knew the guys were here and if the guys were here, Harry would soon be here. After the park earlier, we drove home in silence with just the radio to ease the tension I tried to imagine was all in my head. Even when he dropped me off at my building, I asked if he wanted to come up to see if Ed was there but he just shook his head before picking up his phone to send off a text. He had inadvertently hurt my feelings, but now I started to wonder if I had pissed him off somehow; anything to explain the sudden coldness I felt between us. As we stood there outside smoking, Dani and Liam arrived in a taxi and though I hadn't really seen or spoke to Liam much since our initial meeting, the very sight of him gave me a surge in unexplained anxiety. We all hugged and while Dani quickly ran upstairs craving heat, Liam stayed downstairs with us seemingly stalling until Zayn finished his cigarette and declared his disdain for the weather man not mentioning the snow fall tonight.

"I didn't know you smoked." he said awkwardly, motioning to the cigarette I mainly held in my hand. The first time I had met Liam, and the last time we were ever really alone was months ago at the boys house warming party. He was dead set on the fact that we knew each other previously but I was drunk and honestly didn't remember much from the conversation so I never bothered to follow up. It had been at least a few weeks since I'd seen him and Dani. His curly brown hair had grown out a bit, but other than that he was still the warm brown eyed boy I met before.

"Oh, I don't." I flicked the cigarette on the pavement realizing Zayn was gone. "I was just being social I guess. They're a sick habit, huh?" I smiled up at him, wondering why he had chosen to stay downstairs with me. He started with small talk, the weather and if I had any plans for my birthday coming up soon. Then he started to ask me about my younger years when I would visit the UK on holidays and more specifically when I would spend my summers near Wolverhampton where some relatives used to live. As he spoke, he started to recall specific details about my summers and as the story went on I realized that Liam was right, we had spent our summers together taking care of my cousins horses and fishing in the lake.

"Oh my God, I can't believe you recognized me what like, 5,6 years later? Liam, this is amazing…" I gushed, hugging him, truly amazed that he had recognized me and in fact knew so much about me and my family. "You've definitely grown up!" I said a bit cheeky.

"Those were some of the best summers of my life, I have to say. I… I used to have the biggest crush on you Jules. It was crazy, Jane would always pick on me, but when I saw you at the party it was like I was seeing a ghost… you looked amazing." He trailed off and I felt my body tense up. Maybe the cold was messing with my mind because I couldn't process what Liam was doing, saying. "And it was like all of these feelings came flooding back to me, I didn't really know what to do. I know you haven't seen me in a while but Jules, I haven't stopped thinking about you, not for one second." It felt like he was talking a mile a minute and I had no control over the expression on my face or the muscles in my body. I wanted to tell him to shut up, remind him that he had a beautiful girlfriend upstairs who loved him and who he loved. I wanted to remind him that what he felt for me, for us, was years old and that I wasn't that same girl anymore. He rambled on about me, how I made him feel, how he thought about holding me and kissing me every day and though I wanted him to stop I wouldn't open my mouth. Not because I wanted him to stop, but because I didn't want him to stop. Out of this mouth was coming every wish and want I waited day and night for Harry to feel, to realize, and while Liam stood in front of me all I saw was Harry. And when I felt warm, solid arms hold me up and soft lips caress mine, filling my mouth and mind with the love and affection I had been craving, all I felt was Harry. But it wasn't Harry, it was Liam and I wasn't kissing Harry, I was kissing Liam as his girlfriend was upstairs waiting for him to come up and kiss her.

I was in shock, speechless, my vision was blurry, my knees felt weak. "Harry.." I moaned onto another man's lips and I felt him squeeze me harder out of frustration; kiss me harder to better make his presence known. As his body went ridged, hearing Harry's name, I finally regained control of my body pushing Liam back and brushing my fingers across my burning lips. His eyes were sad, confused, as I stepped back from him slowly. I didn't know what to say, all I could do was slowly shake my head as I thought of the mess we had potentially just made.

"No…" was all I could muster as he tried to step forward and hold me again and tears started to stream down my face. What had I just done? He opened his mouth to protest but a car across the street locked its doors, sending an abrupt shrill through the air. Our eyes darted to the car, a black Range Rover, before I saw a dark figure cross the pavement and quickly enter Jackie's building. I feel my heart shatter into a million pieces as I lost Harry to the darkness of the night.


	6. Chapter 6

I had been parked outside of Jackie's building for almost an hour getting high in my car and trying to explain to this random girl I had met just hours before why I had left right after we shagged and wouldn't be returning after my sudden "meeting" I had to lied to her about. I was about to get out of my car and join Zayn on the pavement, tying my scarf around my neck, when I saw Jules wrapped in her favorite oversized parka walking up. I leaned back in my seat hoping she didn't see me and sighed, feeling like a bloody idiot.

Closing my eyes, I pictured her earlier in the park working on that endless novel she typed out but never allowed anyone to read. The way she would playfully knock her feet together like a little kid when she got a new idea or pulled on her left earlobe when she was trying to concentrate… It drove me mad the way she wore her readers around me, making her look like a naughty librarian, or the way she would sometimes steal glances my way. I bit my lip thinking about her smile while watching me wrestle with those little girls today, the way she giggled when they were pulling on my hair and jacket. The day had been rather successful and though I knew Ed was in the recording studio all day I used him as an excuse to go see her. It worked like a charm, really, as I got to take her to one of my favorite parks in the city. Sure, I had messed up by flirting with that girl with the dog, it started out innocent but then we just kept talking. It didn't mean anything, 'she was a fan' I thought to myself but as soon as I saw Jules with her arms wrapped around her legs I felt so guilty. I couldn't even explain it; I just felt like a complete asshole but couldn't put my finger exactly on why. The feeling only got stronger when I noticed her teary eyes as I walked up.

Admittedly, me and Jules had a strange relationship, or friendship, but it worked for us. Since day one we were kind of drawn to each other. We understood each other on another level. She was strong and confident, not let me get away with shit, but still a sweetheart who loved to take care of people. She could keep up with my banter and I knew she liked me for me, not for my persona. It was as if we were together without actually having sex or having to deal with the title and I appreciated that. I depended on that. When I needed her to just be there, she was there. We never really talked about her love life, she was unbelievably private, and I knew plenty of guys fancied her yet I never heard of her going out on any dates or hooking up. I thought nothing of it.

Lately though, she had seemed so distracted and detached. There seemed to be a wall up around her and every time I tried to break it down, to bring out the Jules I knew and loved, she would retreat. Though Ed had been busy, he seemed to pick up on it too.

"Maybe she's homesick?" He offered, half into the conversation as I was crashing in on one of his recording sessions.

"No, I don't think so… has she been acting weird around you too?"

"Not really, she just seems busy." He shrugged. "You probably broke her heart, Potter, you know she's in love with you." he joked turning back towards the mixing table. I thought on what he had said for a second, measuring the chances before dismissing it completely. Me and Jules flirted, a lot. We cuddled and pinched and grabbed, we had practically seen each other naked and she had even met my sister but through that, we both insisted we were just friends. I knew she cared about me, I knew she was at least attracted to me, but I never really got the vibe that she wanted to be more than friends. In one of our late night sessions, she had even confided in me that she didn't care for relationships and was terrified of commitment and marriage because they all ended up in divorce. As a young, successful lad in the prime of my years I sort of agreed with her. I didn't want a relationship. I didn't want the responsibility, I didn't want the title and I didn't want to have to commit myself to one person when there were just so many gorgeous women in the world. This was my time to be crazy, to be young and I wasn't ready to let that go just yet. So when I figured she wasn't interested, that helped justify my sometimes promiscuous behavior and I secretly believed she loved hearing the stories me and Ed shared about the crazy girls.

But lately, as she seemed to drift away from me, I wanted nothing more than to pull her back in. The band was getting busy again after our time off but I still tried to reach out to her at least every other day. I wanted her to confide in me, I wanted her to open up to me but as she continued to reject me I was becoming frustrated. So when she tried to play off why she was crying earlier in the park, I kind of snapped. Not on her, of course, I couldn't even speak or barely look at her. I wanted to shake her and force her to tell me what was going on, why I was losing her but I couldn't and as I drove her home in silence I tried to ignore the sadness that was invading us. As soon as I dropped her off I went to pick up some weed and met a girl who I proceeded to fuck just for the company. Now, I felt like shit.

By the time I looked back up at Jules, Zayn was gone and she was now laughing around with Liam which I considered strange, they never talked. Her beautiful eyes were bright and she looked so happy, a stark contrast to how I had seen her last. I felt a ting of jealousy as I tried to make out what they were saying before I noticed her face fall and Liam envelop her in his arms. My hands gathered in tight fists as I watched them kiss out in the snow. Not even the burn of my nails penetrating my skin could distract me. I was so confused, angry, embarrassed; my breath becoming uneven as I tried to work out why, HOW this was happening. Jules had never, not once brought up the fact that she was seeing Liam. She never even hinted at them really being mates. Liam was with Dani and had been for over two years now. He wasn't a cheater, he wasn't a girl stealer. I bit my lip hard at the ridiculous thought, Jules was not mine and it made me nauseous. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Jules suddenly push Liam away but it was too late. I couldn't take it; I punched the dashboard before jumping out of my car and running to the door to Jackie's building. I didn't want to be at Jackie's, I didn't wanted to be anywhere right now and I didn't care if they saw me but I just had to do something, I had to get them out of my sight. I, by habit, pressed the button to lock my car as the building door closed behind me.

I can't stand still long enough to wait for the lift so I start running up the stairs, two at a time until I stop myself at the third level, knowing I didn't actually want to get to Jackie's flat. I was pacing back in forth, cursing under my breath while pulling at my hair. I felt like I was going crazy with rage and didn't even feel when I attacked the cement wall, my right hand now split open.

"Harry.." I felt his hand on my shoulder, strong and heavy. I turned around quickly, taking Liam by the collars of his jacket in my fists and slamming him against the wall. His breathing was heavy as I held him up against the wall. I could feel he wasn't fighting me back. I let out a deep sigh, my body depleted of energy and let him go as I sank down the wall. He didn't say a word but just slid down next to me, his knees pinned to his chest. We sat in silence for a minute or two with just the soft sound of our slowing breaths filling up the entire stair landing. His head in his hands, my eyes closed shut.

"She… I'm not the one." was all he could say, visibly upset now. I turned my head away, looking down the dark stairs. "I…" he tried to speak again but couldn't. After a few minutes he stood up, taking a couple of steps towards the stairs before turning back to me.

"She called for you…" he said softly, almost to himself. "As I kissed her, she was thinking about you." With that, he turned and gradually made his way up the stairs. I watched his legs disappear up the landing and quickly wiped away the tear that had escaped my tired, bloodshot eyes. I picked myself off the floor and slowly made my way down the stairs. The snow had started to stick and the street was empty and dead as I found my way to my car.

"If it isn't Harry Styles himself…" her voice rang out, sensually, as I put the keys in the ignition.


	7. Chapter 7

I closed my laptop screen with a heavy sigh and looked out the window in front of my desk. The streets below were empty, it being too cold out for a nice walk, and I could see Christmas lights in the windows across the way. Had we not kept ours up all year long, lining the ceiling and up the staircase, my flat would look like the most festive of them all. I loved the holidays: the smells, the music, the cheer that hung in the air. Sure Christmas and New Years were still a month away but knowing I wouldn't be spending the holidays with my grandparents back home made me sad. I pushed my desk chair back and headed to the kitchen to make some dinner. I took out my chicken, all of my vegetables, spices and seasonings and set them aside as I heated up the chicken stock for my families original homemade chicken noodle soup recipe. Just as I was about to start chopping up the celery I could hear my phone ringing from upstairs.

"Happy Birthdayyyyy Baby Sis!" Jane's voice sang out causing me to pull the phone away from my ear. I missed her voice, I missed her. It had officially been six months since I'd seen her and with my birthday and the holidays coming up, she figured it would be the perfect time for me to come visit her in Paris where she was stationed.

"My birthday's not until tomorrow..." I laughed, just happy to hear her voice.

"I know, duh, but I wanted to be the first to tell you! We're going to have so much fun! I'm just happy you could come out, even just for a day or two." I smiled knowing she couldn't see me. The past couple of weeks had been horrible, Jane only knew the gist of it.

"Yeah, totally." I said softly, easing my chopped celery into my boiling pot.

"Quelle mouche t'a piqué?" she quipped on the other end. I laughed, she was getting much better at her French but I still didn't know what she was saying.

"Oui, oui, uhhhh… vert croissant!" I returned, completely ignorant to what was coming out of my mouth. She found it hilarious. After my short call with Jane I finished my soup and left it simmering on the stove, I still had three more hours before I could even eat it. I shuffled over to my sofa and turned on the TV to find Love Actually just starting. I pulled my quilt over my legs and settled in.

Somewhere between Colin Firth's horrible Portuguese and Hugh Grant's carol singing I started to break down and cry. Not because of the film, though it was one of my ultimate favorites, but because watching it brought back every good and bad memory I had of Harry. This was his favorite movie, we had watched it together once and that was the first and only time I ever saw him truly cry. I wanted to kiss his tears away but I knew it would be inappropriate so I threw some tissue his way and made a joke about getting his wimpy tears on my pillows. That was just a memory now. I thought I was past this, I thought I was stronger but three weeks after my kiss with Liam I still found myself deeply depressed and alienated from the world. I know Harry saw us, I recognized his car right away and the fact that I haven't heard from him, not a single word, in almost a month just confirmed that. Just three days after that night Harry went public with a very popular model 8 years his senior and having to see their pictures plastered on every newspaper, magazine and website in the world tortured me. They were inescapable to the point that I didn't leave my flat for over a week. I stayed in bed, crying and hating myself for what I had done. To make matters worse, Ed was still gone on a short three week tour and I had lost almost all contact with the girls and the rest of the boys. I was too scared to call or text anyone, not ready to hear what they thought when they found out what had happened. Luckily enough, I heard no reports about Liam and his girlfriend so I just held onto the hope that she never found out.

The only thing that brought me comfort in those dark days were Ed's random middle of the night text pictures of his latest Lego creation and the knowledge that Harry looked absolutely miserable in all the photos with his new girlfriend. Did that make it better, of course not, but I knew Harry. I knew his smile, his real smile, and I could see through him in all the interviews where he was asked about his lucky new lady. In my heart, I would lie to myself and say that he was only with her to hurt me, that he really wanted to be with me but just couldn't bare the idea after my indiscretions with Liam. Sometimes this would make me feel better and sometimes I would cry even harder at the idea of him wanting to hurt me, wanting to throw his success and this woman in my face. In the end, I was convinced I was the worst person in the world. I felt 100% responsible for what happened, for not seeing where Liam was going and stopping it sooner and for potentially leading him on. I had let my weakness for a man who didn't want me potentially ruin someone else's relationship and I found it hard to live with myself. As the credits started to roll on Love Actually, I went to check on my soup before pulling out luggage from the closet and beginning to pack for my train the next morning. I promised myself I would have a good birthday. I deserved it.


	8. Chapter 8

'Where are you? HAPPY FUCKIN BIRTHDAY! Come to my gig Friday .x' read the e-mail Ed had sent me on my birthday. I hadn't bothered to take my cell phone on my little four day getaway to Paris and when I walked up to the front door of my flat I found two birthday cards taped to the door and a giant stuffed bear sitting on the floor. I unlocked my door, pushing the bear in with my foot to find three more cards that had been slipped under the door along with a mess of confetti and a series of birthday candles I guessed were from Ed. I couldn't help but smile. I placed my luggage down and picked up the cards. Two were from my coworkers and the other three were from Dani, Eleanor and the boys not to mention the gigantic bear I only had to guess was from Ed because it had a giant bowtie made out of legos tied around its neck. On top of that, I had over 60 voice mails from my friends and family all over the world wishing me a happy birthday.

I couldn't believe it. I just stared at the cards from the group, a huge wave of relief washed over me as it seems they didn't hate me after all. In fact, they seemed to miss me and judging by their voice mails couldn't wait to see me again, hopefully at Ed's gig tonight. It seems I had been pushing them away the whole time, ostracizing myself with guilt. I was the one not answering their phone calls, not returning their texts. The best part, even Harry had taken the time to sign the boy's card. I traced my fingers over his signature and sighed deeply. Although he had stopped talking to me, avoided me like I never existed and seemed to throw his new relationship I my face, he had taken the time to sign my card. He didn't have to do that and it made all the difference.

My short vacation in Paris, visiting Jane, has seemingly turned me into a new person overnight. I was happy, hopeful and excited to get back to London and start making things better. Even before I got all the voicemails and letters I had promised Jane and myself I would reach out to everyone I had seemed to abandon. While there I finally drafted and completed half of my novel and had even been spontaneous and dip dyed my hair, now dark brown on top and a light honey brown on the bottom. I came back to my life in London refreshed and renewed, ready to stop living my life in my former shadow and instead focus on me. I promised not to let myself get that upset over a man ever again and that even though it would take time and hard work, I would once and for all get over Harry Edward Styles. He deserved better and so did I. It appeared that the city of love had done nothing but restore my ice queen heart.

I cleaned up the mess on the floor, unpacked my bag and decided to steal a nap in before Ed's show tonight. When I woke, I got a text from Dani reminding me to come find them all tonight before the show. They had a surprise for me. I was so happy to be back to my old self or at least on the right track. I knew everyone would be there tonight, Harry included butI had used the couple of hours on my train back to mentally prepare myself for seeing him with his new fling of the week and I decided to dress up in a cute, sexy outfit to make sure I was feeling confident and free. "If you look good, you feel good" my dad used to always say. This night was about me, and Ed of course, but mainly me and my re-entrance into society after my month long hiatus which now seemed like years to me. I got up and turned my iPod as high as it would go. I took a shower choosing to wear my sheer black tights, super short cut off high waisted shorts, my favorite vintage off the shoulder Rolling Stones t-shirt and a pair of black lace up military boots. I curled just the ends of my long two toned hair and decided to pair my classic 'night out' cat eye with a new deep red lipstick I picked up on a whim in Paris. I had a rocker pin up vibe going. I felt good and not to brag but I looked great. I took a picture and sent it to Jane just to make sure and her 'HOLY SHIT YOU LOOK AMAZING' was all I needed to be on my way. After I pounded about four shots of tequila I had stashed away for special occasions, of course.

I arrived at the venue a short twenty minutes later making sure to avoid the crazy paparazzi that were stalking the place out front. Ed's home concerts were known to bring out all the cool little London kiddies so it was no surprise. I shot off a quick text to Dani as security checked my name off the backstage list, handing me my pass. Once I got past the bouncers into the backstage area, I pushed my way through the super crowded halls until I saw Naill and Jackie talking besides a door.

"Oh my god!" I squealed when Jackie caught sight of me, rushing to my side and nearly squeezing the life out of me.

"Holy shit, you look like a proper slag AND I LOVE IT!" we stood there screaming, jumping up and down like little girls. Naill gave me a hug before breaking away, allowing us time for silly girl talk. I guess our screaming caught the other girls attention because next thing I knew Dani and Eleanor were running down the hallway towards us, just as excited as us.

"You look fucking amazing Jules, oh my god seriously! So fit!" Eleanor gushed playing with my hair and pulling back my parka to check out my outfit. I gave a little model pose, turning around for the girls. They loved it.

"I need to disappear for a month if this is what it does! So gorgeous, we've missed you so much! Happy Birthdaaaaay!" Dani yelled excitedly, jumping up and down. I pulled her in for a really tight hug, so happy to see her happy. She slapped my ass before pulling the other two girls in for a big group hug. They had really become like sisters to me before I disappeared and it felt so good to have them back in my life.

"Where ya been Cheeky?" Jackie yelled over the music filling the very loud venue as we started to walk further down the hallway. "What's his name? A girl doesn't disappear off the face of the earth like that unless she was getting under a boy!" the girls all laughed and I just blushed rolling my eyes at them.

"You are so mental! I've been working like crazy!" I laughed, shrugging obnoxiously. They all rolled their eyes.

"I'm so bloody jealous, you're just glowing from a good shag! You don't have to admit it, we can see it!" they joked and I did everything but deny them. Did they need to know I was busy having a nervous breakdown after potentially ruining one of their lives? No.

As we reached the farthest door down the hallway the girls stopped me in my tracks, saying they had a little surprise for me but to not get too excited. Dani told me to close my eyes and I could feel them starting to primp me. Someone started to fluff my hair as another pulled off my jacket and adjusted my shirt. I started to laugh as I heard their giggles, they were running around poking and adjusting me like I was a doll.

"You are going to die!" Eleanor whisper in my ear as they led me into a much quieter room. I stood there confused for a second until a million voices yelled out in surprise and my eyes fluttered opened to see none other than Alex Turner of the Arctic Monkey's standing in front of me surrounded by about a million other people I was too distracted to notice. I stood there in shock for a second, unable to breath at the fact that my idol, a guy I had been in love with since I was in middle school was standing right in front of me, wishing me a happy birthday. I covered my overly excited face with my hands as I started to jump up and down, fangirling with Dani and Eleanor. They knew I was his biggest fan and I didn't know how I was going to make it up to them. Finally, they pushed me in front of him and laughed hysterically when I just stood there shaking while he gave me a hug, wishing me a happy birthday and telling me I looked beautiful. Turns out Ed had invited him to watch his gig and knew I was a huge fan so had set the whole thing up. I jumped on him as soon as he stepped out of the crowd, so happy to see him and so elated that he had surprised me with Alex fucking Turner for my birthday.

"I love you! I fucking love you!" I screamed in his ear still jumping up and down. This was already the best birthday I had ever had and that was before I saw Zayn walking up to me slowly with a cake in his hands, the girls grinning behind him. I gasped, now completely overwhelmed, covering my face with my hands and fighting back my happiest tears. Louis and Naill appeared beside me, preventing me from trying to escape, as the whole room began to sing me happy birthday. When they were done singing, Zayn smashed a piece of cake in my face and all everyone could do was laugh hysterically as Naill ran up, grabing the cake away just as everyone else tried to steal a piece and start a food fight. Naill clearly didn't want the cake to go to waste. The girls cleaned off my face as we all posed for pictures. No one had ever done anything like this for me and all I could do was say thank you a million times over and hug everyone in the room at least twice, even the people I had never seen before. In the commotion, Liam came up to me and gave me a big, friendly bear hug wishing me happy birthday. It wasn't weird, it wasn't awkward and all I could do was say thank you before I playfully smashed a bit of icing I still had on my hands into his hair.

"Mates?" he asked me with a big smile. I nodding my head and pulling him in for another big hug.

Just then Stuart, Ed's tour manager walked in declaring 10 minutes to show time. Me, Dani, Zayn and Liam did a round of shots before making our way to the side stage so Ed could get ready to perform. As me and Zayn made our way down the long, crowded hallways following the group it hit me that Harry wasn't there. Before I could think too far into it though, I felt Zayn's arms around my waist as he guided me though the crowds, playfully yelling at everyone to get out of his way or else I would kick there ass. I was thankful he was there , just being a friend, as we found great spots on the side stage just as the opening band was setting up to perform. We didn't know the opening band but you would have had no idea by how me, Zayn, Jackie and Naill were dancing and having fun. They were more up-tempo than Ed, with more of a rock sound and I got lost in the beat. After the fourth song straight I motioned to Jackie I was going to get water and she gave me the thumbs up.

I made my way through the back stage area towards crafty where they had drinks and food set up for everyone, picking up a water bottle and grabbing a strawberry from the fruit platter. Debating whether to rush back to the side stage or hang out here, I decided to wonder up to the upper balcony area to check out the view before Ed hit the stage. The venue was this amazing old theater, probably from the 1800's that had been converted into a rock venue filled with narrow secret staircases and plenty of nooks and crannies to get lost in. As I landed at the top of the third floor a security guard stopped me to check my pass before allowing me to go towards the edge of the empty balconies. The area was bare except for a couple of empty benches pushed back against the wall and the lights that hung off the balcony, lighting up the stage. There was no one up here but from my spot I had a perfect eagle eye view of the stage and the crowd. I stood there for a minute, taking the whole scene in and smiling at how great of a night it had already been.

I could sense the presence of someone else up on the landing with me but before I could turn around my entire body was being pushed against the banister and I was pinned in. His legs, spread out around mine, trapped me in as the weight of his body covered me. I could feel his cheek brushing through my hair, gently tilting my head to the side until his head settled in at the nook of my neck. I couldn't see his face and he didn't speak but I could smell him and his scent took over my senses as I slowly leaned into his chest …


	9. Chapter 9

I flashed a smile, waving to the paparazzi that had found their way to the backstage door before ducking into the venue. I was a little late and I could already hear the opening band was well into their set. The backstage area was pretty empty except for the random roadie or guitar tech walking around so I made my way across the main room towards the hallways, hoping to at least say hello to Sheeran before he went on. Just before I entered the narrow hallway I looked back into the room only to stop dead in my tracks, nearly running into the wall. There she was.

I didn't recognize her at first, instead noticing how you could just see the bottom of her bum falling out of her impossibly short shorts while she was bent over getting a drink. Her hair was different too, longer maybe? She stood back up and I took her in. I hadn't seen her since that night in the snow but I had thought about her every second since then.

I was hurt, of course, but hearing Liam try to explain simply turned my rage into confusion and resentment. Though Liam and I had talked about it only once since then, I still didn't understand what had happened. She cared for me, but she was kissing Liam? She cared for me but instead of telling me she becomes cold and distant? After that night, feeling hurt and spiteful, I allowed myself to be photographed with a girl I hooked up with knowing she would see it. I wanted her to hurt like I had hurt, I wanted her to feel the jealousy she ignited in me and I wanted her to feel as confused and out of control as I did. I didn't call her, I didn't text and neither did she. Part of me assumed she was turned off and how I handled the situation, the other part just assumed she didn't care at all. Yes, it was a bit immature but I didn't know what else to do. But as much as I wanted to forget her, forget her face and her voice and her name I couldn't. I would find myself parked outside of her flat some nights watching her write through her window. Sometimes she would cry and those times all I wanted to do was run up and hold her, tell her I was sorry for not telling her how I felt and driving her to Liam but I knew I couldn't. My pride was too strong.

But tonight, seeing her here, I was overcome with the intense need to see her, to interact with her and run my fingers through her hair, to taste her skin. I watched her look around the room before heading off to a far set of stairs leading up to the higher levels of the theater. I followed her from afar and once we were alone on the third floor balcony I couldn't help myself.

Foregoing an introduction, I pressed my body against hers. She didn't fight me, seeming to want me closer, and arched her body so we had complete contact. I buried my face in her hair, taking in the vanilla and cinnamon shampoo she used before nuzzling the back of her neck. I traced along her jawline, her hips responding to my touch with a gentle buckle . Pulling her hair back and to the other side I exposed the sensitive skin of her long neck and shoulder. I massaged her tense shoulders, leaving a trail of slow, soft kisses down her ear and the base of her neck. Trailing my fingertips down her arms slowly, I was pleased with myself as I saw the little hairs on the back of her neck stand up. I took her hands in mine and used them to trace down the sides of her body before pulling them back up behind my head. Adding my full weight against her I began to kiss down her cheek, down her neck and she happily made room for me. I bit at her skin, so hot in my mouth, as I could feel my pants starting to tighten uncomfortably. She could feel it too as she tried to run her hands through my hair, pulling my neck down to her and pulling our bodies closer. She tried to turn around to face me but I had her hips pinned against the ledge. She was powerless and the lack of control was turning her on. I reached down, sliding my hand between her thighs and circling into her center.

I had her; she was putty in my hands. But this wasn't the place. I wanted to take my time, kissing every square inch of her and making sure she knew that her sticky, sweet skin was the most potent thing I had ever known.

I finally allowed her to turn and face me. She looked up at me with her eyes, those soft eyes now clouded with lust and pain. With one hand on my chest, I felt her fingertips trace up my neck, pulling me down to meet her. Our lips collided violently as I felt her hunger, her anger, her need to be touched and loved, to be caressed and taken care of. Her lips left butterfly kisses along my collarbone. I heard myself grunt as she marked her territory leaving a set of love bites I knew would be bruised by morning.

"Come with me?" I whispered in her ear, feeling her fingers intertwine with mine. Hand in hand, I guided her back towards the stairs and half way down I felt her pull back. She was trying to hold in her laugh, analyzing my face and neck.

"Oh my god," she giggled, "It looks like I attacked you." She started to wipe the bright red lipstick that was now all over my mouth and neck away. I looked down at her as she did this, staring at the lips which had done so much damage. I wrapped my arms around her waist, flipping us around so her back as pinned to the wall, and kissed her hard. I didn't care who knew, I didn't care who saw us. I wanted her right there, right now. She slapped my shoulder, pulling away and down the stairs all the way to the backstage area.

"Meet me in the front" I said, kissing hand as she tried to break away to pick up her purse and jacket. It dawned on me that the paparazzi were still outside the back door. I did my best to try to fix my shirt, redoing buttons that had gotten in the way, as I made my way out the door waving to them before jumping in my car and driving towards the front of the club. My flat was just blocks away and we drove in silence, my free hand entangled with hers.

"Harry…" she objected softly, her eyes closed and fingers running though my hair. She tried to lift my face to hers but I refused from my place on the floor, knelt in front of her. I wrapped my arms around her waist and buried my face in her torso, listening to her heightened heartbeat. I traced my fingers up her spine, lifting her shirt up over her head as I stood in front of her. I traced down her collar bone and along the seam of her breast before cupping one in my hand and circling my thump over her hard nipple. She avoided my eyes and started to chew on her bottom lip, turning her head away.

"What are we doing? I…" she breathed, distracted by my lips as they trailed down her neck never breaking contact from her skin. My lips met hers as my free hand found its way to her lower back. What her mind protested, her body did not as my tongue parted her swollen lips.

"I'm sorry." She moaned into my mouth, almost whimpering. I pulled away from her, trying to read into her eyes but she looked away. "I'm so sorry…" She cried, a tear slipping down her cheek. She turned her head away in an attempt to hide it but I stopped her, taking her hand in mine and lifting her chin up to me with the other. I dried her cheek with the pad of my thumb and pulled her lips to mine firmly, not allowing her to ruin this. She pushed me away, two hands against my chest with a force I didn't expect. For a second she looked conflicted but as she began to unbutton my shirt I could see her glazed eyes shining bright. A few buttons later my shirt was on the floor and she was already undoing my jeans. She ran her hands up my chest and I grabbed ahold of her thighs, lifting her onto my waist as wrapped her legs around me. Her arms wrapped around my neck so tight, as if she was scared I would drop her. I made my way to her ass and squeezed it though her jeans.

I climbed onto the bed, setting her down gently on her back. She looked so small, so tender, as her olive skin clashed with my white duvet. She reached up for me as I sat up straight, her legs still wrapped around me and my growing erection grazing her inner thigh. Lifting one of her legs over my shoulder, I pulled her boot off and let it fall to the floor. She started to squirm on the bed in anticipation as I lifted her other leg. Once her shoes were off, I tenderly kissed down her legs, paying extra attention to the patch behind her knee, and up her inner thighs stopping just short of her shorts. Kneading up her thighs, I hooked two fingers through her belt loops and roughly pulled her down closer to me. Surprised, she let out a tiny shriek and started to laugh, covering her mouth like she always did.

"So many layers…" I teased kissing around her belly button before undoing the clasp of her shorts with my teeth and pulling them down along with her tights. The sight of her wet lace panties made me lose by breath for a second. I let out a long sigh and sitting back with a smile. I wanted to remember this sight for the rest of my life: her body, throbbing and hot in front of me, completely beautiful.

Her cheeks blushed and she tried to close her legs but I pried them back open with my hands, massaging up her thighs and pulling her panties down. Her hips were rolling with excitement but I wanted this to last so I crawled on top of her, kissing her firmly and positioning her legs around me. I held her neck and chin down with my hand, preventing her from moving and I could feel her hips start to grind against my cock, feeling the heat and the moisture though the thin fabric of my briefs. I bit my bottom lip, trying to distract myself. I knew what she wanted, but first, I wanted to give her what she needed.

I traced spirals down her side and when I met the heat between her legs I spread her slippery lips with my fingers and started to massage her clit with my thumb. Slowly at first until I changed up the pace, her body responded. I could feel her stop kissing me, preoccupied with my fingers, as her hips started to rock. She was panting, slowly at first but as her legs started to shake around me they turned into short, intense gasps. She was so wet, my thumb slipping but I could tell she was almost there. I slipped two fingers inside and her moans made my grip on her tighten. I felt her take the tip of my thumb in her mouth, suckling and nipping at my skin idly. I wanted to guide her into this, kissing down her breast and taking her nipple in my teeth, pulling gently.

"Ha… Ha.. Harry.." she was getting louder and her hips started to buckle against me. Her one hand was gripping the sheets, the other scratching up my back. I could feel her body climax and she came into my hand, her cum dripping down my fingers. She covered her face with her hands in embarrassment and I started to once again kiss down her torso, paying special attention to her hips, nipping at her bones. She tried to pull me up to her but I resisted as I settled between her legs and wrapped my lips around her swollen clit. I looked up to see her face once again covered with her hands. I started to suck on her clit, taking her sweet button between my teeth and flicking it with my tongue. She could hardly take it. She squirmed against me and I pinned down her hips with my arm. My briefs were starting to get unbearable uncomfortable so I ran two fingers inside of her, getting them nice and wet before I started to rub myself off, still nibbling on her now swollen and throbbing clit. The sounds coming out her mouth were unintelligible and her hands were roaming for something to latch onto. Her thighs started to shake and she pinned my head between her legs as her hips started to rock against my mouth. I heard the short and now louder gasps escaping her lips as her hot cum started to drip down my chin. I couldn't take it anymore; my dick was throbbing painfully at this point. As she was coming down from her second orgasm, softly mumbling to herself, I tore open a condom I had in my nightstand and slipped it on.

"I love you…" she whispered seemingly to herself, so low I almost didn't catch it. Her legs are still shaking and she's tracing invisible swirls all over her body. I watch her in awe from my place by the nightstand. I took in the vision of her body, now unleashed and raw, keeping it and tucking it away somewhere deep inside. I had denied her my true feelings and affection for too long. I wanted to spend every second making up for lost time. I pull one of her thighs towards me and her lips melt into soft smile, knowing what's coming next. She's tired, I can tell, but props herself up on her elbows to meet me halfway. She can taste herself on my tongue and moans softly, wrapping her arms around my head. She spreads her legs for me again, allowing me to settle in to her nook. She takes it upon herself to wrap her fingers around my shaft, beginning to stroke me with the little space she had between our bodies. A few seconds later she lifts her hips guiding me into her warm, tight walls. Her voice trembles just a bit as I stroke all the way in. She's so tight; I can see the tension on her face as I continue with slow strokes to get her comfortable. Her face is pushing against my shoulder, her teeth biting hard into my skin. We start to get a rhythm, picking up the pace. I can't help but smirk as I watch her breast start to rock with us. Taking her neglected nipple in my mouth and can feel her walls contract around me.

I'm almost there, I can feel my face starting to contort as her body begins to buckle against mine. She lifts her hips, giving me full range as I watch myself stroke into her deeper, faster. The look on her face says she's almost ready and I hold out biting my lips and cursing under my breath until I can feel her body peak and back start to arch. Face flushed, the waves start to take over my body and my muscles tense up. I hear myself grunt as I cum into her walls, hard, feeling her body returning the favor.

I loosen my grip on her hips and collapse beside her, leaning in to kiss her. She's not responsive at first, still mid orgasm, but eventually meets my eyes with a soft giggle.

"I love you…" she repeats quietly. I search her face, trying to determine her state of euphoria, before tilting her head back and kissing her deeply. She wraps her arms around my neck, our bodies hot, sticky and intertwined.


	10. Chapter 10

As the morning light made its way through the curtains, I was already awake and had been studying the crown molding around Harry's windows for quite some time. I refused to move, refused to even breathe loudly in fear of waking him up. His naked body was just inches from mine, his legs and very hard dick were barely covered with a thin sheet. I watched his chest rise and fall with each breath, took in his pale cheeks and those deep red lips that had scoured my entire body just hours before. His hands, oh I loved his hands and those long fingers; one was reached out under the sheets nestled against my stomach and the other resting low on his torso. His hair was swept across his eyelids, his curls more defined than I remembered. He was a quiet sleeper and without his habit of fidgeting I would have thought he was dead. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him arise just briefly before turning over and facing the window. The muscles going down his lean back appeared to move like water over his spine and ribs until he was settled and quickly fell back asleep. I memorized every freckle on his back, arms and ass taking in the perfect profile of his body. I knew I would probably never see it again. I felt nauseous.

When I knew he was back into a deep sleep I inched myself off his bed, wrapping a sheet around my sore, tender body. I slipped my shirt on and gathered my boots but my tights and shirts were right in front of him and I though it too dangerous to retrieve them. I slipped out of his room silently, assuring he was still asleep before I closed the door behind me. I grabbed a pair of sweat pants he had in his clothes basket and pulled them on before finding my jacket on the floor and running out of his flat. I walked about a block away before I called a taxi to come pick me up. I probably looked like a hooker with my make-up smeared and a pair of men's sweat pants on with army boots. I didn't care

Last night had been amazing. Unbelievable. A million times better than what I had always dreaming about and I had ruined it by blurting out the three words no man ever wants to hear from a girl he's just hooked up with. 'I love you.' Sure, I said it mid orgasm and sure he seemed to take that into consideration but the problem was that I meant it. I was in love with him. "Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love," as Carrie Bradshaw had once put it. It had taken me months to realize it, weeks to suppress it and only one night for it to destroy me. He wasn't ready to hear that… not from me or from anyone. Harry didn't do commitment, he actively ran from it. It just wasn't his style. I sank deeper into the back seat of my taxi thinking about the fact that I had just driven Harry away from me, all over again.

Last night after my horrible confession, he just kissed me and started to fall asleep. I half wanted to crawl home right then and there and but when he asked me, half asleep, where I was going when I got up to use the bathroom, I figured it would be easier to just slip out in the morning. That morning, we woke up on opposite sides of the bed. Sure, I was probably one in a small number of girls who had actually made it till the morning but that didn't make the situation any better. I figured I would go ahead and save us the awkwardness and leave before he even woke up. I just did what I always do. I ran.

Two hours later I was home and had showered and changed into my own clothes again. I was sipping on a cup of tea, wrapped up in my favorite sweater reading a book when I heard a knock at my door. I put my tea and book down, making it to the door just before they started to knock again. When I finally got the lock undone I opened the door to find Harry standing there with his head low and his hands stuffed deep in his pants pockets. I just stood there in quiet shock until he brought his eyes to mine and raised a brow in annoyance. I swallowed hard, picking up on the coldness behind his eyes and the tension he carried with him as he walked. I stepped aside so he could come in and closed the door behind him. He didn't speak at first but I could feel his eyes boring into me, I lingering a second before turning around.

"Well?" he asked shaking out his hair and pushing it to the side. I didn't know what to say so I said nothing at all, only staring down at my feet. He took a step towards me and continued, "I wake up and you've gone. Not a word. What you do that for? Were you like, using me for sex or something?" he raised his voice out of frustration. "I thought something had happened to you!" he articulated, pinching his fingers together. I just shook my head, my eyes never leaving the floor. I wanted to make him leave; I didn't want to deal with this right now. I was tired of feeling like a fool and didn't want to explain my insecurities towards him. We stood in a tense silence.

"Talk to me, Jules… what's going on?" He sighed, his voice drained, concerned, hurt. I finally looked up into his big, tired eyes. He looked a mess, like he had just rolled out of bed. He searched me for an answer to his questions and frowned, rubbing his face in his hands when he couldn't find it. He leaned against the back of my sofa for support, his shoulders slouched severly.

"I don't know…" I finally blurted out, sheepishly. "It all happened so fast and I was a bit drunk, but so where you! And… and. I don't know why it happened. It was a mistake." I lied. His brows furrowed and those green eyes shot up at me. I instantly regretted opening my mouth at all.

"So you didn't mean it?" He said coldly, accusingly.

"Mean what?" I lied again. I was so confused, conflicted. I pressed my fingers into my temples and started to pace back and forth in front of the door.

"You don't love me." It came out as a soft chuckle, seemingly laced with relief and I couldn't take it anymore. He was making me so nervous, making me deal with and openly talk about emotions I didn't even want to talk to myself about. He knew that was something I didn't do, something he had been trying to pull out of me since the day we met. I was starting to mentally break down.

"Get out… get out Harry," my voice cracking. I went to reach for the door handle but somehow he got there before me, blocking the door and causing us to dance around the room. He looked down at me confused, his eyes narrow. Was he playing a game with me? Did he want me to admit it so he could hold it against me? I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, bringing my thoughts back down to earth.

"Please, just go…" I whispered into the quiet room, I could feel hot tears welling up in my eyes.

"No. I think we need to talk about this, Jules." He took a step towards me.

"Why? Why do we need to talk about it? I said it, ok! I admit it. I said I loved you! TA-DA! Big deal! Are you happy now? I can't believe I said it and I'm sorry. I guess I… I was just so happy having you back last night it just came out. I've missed you so much, it's been killing me inside. And then last night I had you there and I was so happy! The happiest I think I've ever been and I let my guard down and now I feel so, so stupid." This word vomit was just spewing out, uncontrollable. I was pacing back and forth speaking a mile a minute but I just couldn't stop. "I just miss having you around, I miss you being there and I'm just scared that now you know how I feel, we won't be able to be friends anymore and I can't do that again, Harry. I know I fucked up, I know I did. That Liam thing was such a big mistake, a huge misunderstanding and I never got a chance to talk to you about it and I'm so sorry…" I trailed off. "The thing is, I need you. I need you I my life in some shape or form. I promise you, I'll never do it again. I'll never say it again and we can pretend like last night never happened if you want but please, don't-"

My words were cut off by his lips crashing into mine. Greedy, hungry, he pulled my body into his so tight I thought I was going to faint. His thumb caressed my cheek and I wrapped my arms around his waist, melting into his body heat. He leaned his forehead against mine as our lips parted into smaller, butterfly kisses. His eyes pierced mine and I felt a jolt of electricity run up my spine.

"I never want you to make that promise…" He said simply, wiping away my tear. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest. I could feel my knees going out but he just held me tighter.

"But you didn't say it back…" I whispered, feeling pathetic and childlike in my ignorance.

"I know…" he sighed, pulling away from me but still holing me close. "But I didn't want it to happen that way, Jules. I wanted you to hear me, really hear me and that wasn't the time." He rubbed his eyes, looking up to the ceiling. My heart sank, unsure of what was going on.

"Man, you really drive me crazy… but the truth is, I love you Julie." His voice cracked a bit and I could see his eyes were glazed over. "I'm in love with you. I didn't want the first time for you to hear it to be like that, in the middle of sex… I didn't want you to doubt my intentions, I wanted to you hear that I loved you and know that I meant it with every part of me, because I do. I think I've loved you from the moment I met you…" he shrugged, his shoulders heavy and his chin trembling. Emotionally, he pursed his lips together before looking into my eyes which were brimming with tears themselves.

"I love you, too." That beautiful cheeky smile took over, his dimples making me breathless. He started to wiggly around, making a funny face to me before reaching down and taking me in for another kiss. He was so happy and to see him this happy erased all the fears and doubts I had been building up inside. He loved me. He wanted me. He was happiest with me. I was so overcome with tears and emotion I couldn't stop crying and he couldn't stop laughing.

"'TA DA?' You're so sarcastic…" he laughed against my ear, hugging me tightly as we stood in the middle of the room slowly rocking. "But, I love you."

'Titty Fucker.." was all I could muster, burying my face into this warm chest.

Parting is such sweet sorrow. Thank you for taking the time to read my work of fiction, I appreciate you! xoxo


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